Point of No Return
by The Scratch Man
Summary: Before Nikita and Michael, there was Michael and Birkhoff. Could be read as unrequited Michael/Birkhoff, could be read as dying friendship. Please review! Set during season one. Rated for some major swearing.


**Disclaimer: Do not own.**

**A/N: I have come to the conclusion that **_**Taste the Freedom**_** might never be fully completed, so here's this. **

**Summary: Before Nikita and Michael, there was Michael and Birkhoff. Set during season one.**

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><p>Amanda and Percy don't know. The might have their suspicions, but they don't <em>know<em> that Michael is a traitor to Division.

Birkhoff knows. He can tell. He _could_ tell, but he doesn't. Of course he doesn't. But he _can_ tell. Michael barely talks to him anymore. Ever since Nikita resurfaced, Michael has been cutting himself off from everyone, preparing to join Nikita, even if he doesn't know it yet.

Birkhoff knows. He can tell.

A year ago, they were working almost every op together, as a team –the worker in the field, and the comms guy. Now Michael gets some other, less intelligent techs to work with him. Usually Sonya.

(No offense Sonya, Birkhoff thinks to himself.)

He kinda misses Michael, even if he doesn't show it. But what's a guy gonna do when his best friend suddenly decides it's hoes before bros instead of bros before hoes? Nothing. Especially if the guy's best friend could beat him up in seconds, even though they had the same training.

So Birkhoff watches –silently –and Michael gets ready to leave. Then one day after weeks and weeks of chasing Nikita around and looking for her mole, Michael walks into Birkhoff's lab with a certain spring in his step. He has this look in his eye, and at first, Birkhoff hopes it isn't true, but it is. Suddenly, Michael is a lot more invested in the hunt for Nikita (yet _strangely_, she keeps getting away), and he keeps wiggling his way further into Percy's good graces.

They're eating lunch together a few days later. It's just Subway sandwiches and coke, but it secretly makes Birkhoff's day because he feels like they haven't spent much time together in a while. So they're sitting at Birkhoff's desk, and he's going on about Shadow Net, and Michael looks only vaguely interested as usual. But usually, Birkhoff knows that Michael _is_ listening, despite appearances. Today, Michael isn't even listening.

Birkhoff can tell.

"Hey, Mikey, pay attention," he says, pretending not to notice. "I'm integrating this stuff into the system next week. You must as well know it beforehand."

Michael blinks and leans forward to inspect the monitor, and at such close range, Birkhoff can suddenly smell out a sweet scent, a familiar brand of perfume… and he can see a small love bite at the base of Michael's neck, just under his collar.

Nikita.

Birkhoff's eyes narrow slightly, and he feels his heart drop down into his stomach. Something like that, anyway, because he doesn't feel so well. He wants out. Suddenly, Birkhoff just wants _out_. Out of Division, or just out of this whole Nikita/Black box business. He wants it to be like the good old days, when he was still the Shadow Walker, hacking into the Pentagon database, or _at least_ the days before Nikki arrived.

Don't get him wrong. Birkhoff loves Nikki like she's his older sister, but goddammit, older sisters always mess things up, don't they?

After that, Birkhoff rarely sees Michael. He continues training new recruits, but as the head of the recruiting process, Michael is pretty absent. Birkhoff misses him, but he doesn't tell. People may say that Seymour Birkhoff is a selfish prick with no thoughts about others, but that isn't totally true. Birkhoff thinks he might die of stress. He's always worrying about Michael inside. Michael's going to get himself killed, he thinks to himself, Michael is going to run off with Nikita and leave him behind.

So maybe Birkhoff is selfish. But so is Michael, and for that, he blames him.

Then, it turns out, Alex is the mole, but did that honestly surprise anyone? Birkhoff always thought she was a pesky little liar.

And Michael gets caught.

Birkhoff wants to scream when Amanda tells him that Michael's been locked up. That dumbass. And then Alex kills Nikita, and all Birkhoff can think is _Oh fuck you all. _

Michael's going to die when he finds out.

But it's better if he tells Michael, not Percy or Amanda, who would just gloat. And _then_ what? Michael calls him a _coward_? It's sad, Birkhoff thinks. Once, Michael used to know him, and he knew Michael. At least, Birkhoff _thought_ they knew each other. Now what? It's all been reduced to bitter insults and bickering (and not in the good way).

So Birkhoff shows him. He's not a coward. If Michael's going to turn on Division, so will he. And the thanks? A fucking gun pressed to his head.

The poor bastard's totally disheveled, though. Birkhoff can see the crazed look in Michael's eye. His hair is messed up, too.

It's not going to be the same, Birkhoff thinks to himself for a moment later on, when Michael's talking to Nikita through the comms. Michael doesn't need him, won't need him. He's on his own now, and even though Michael's standing next to him right now, so close he can feel his body heat, Birkhoff already feels alone. And he kinda misses Michael, too, but he's not gonna show it.

Besides, Michael won't ever notice. Birkhoff can tell.


End file.
